Female Generational Trauma in Immigrant Families

 Female Generational Trauma in Immigrant Families

From 2000 to 2010, almost 14 million immigrants settled in the Land of Opportunity, making it the highest decade of foreign immigration in American history. Along with this wave came not only a diverse array of individuals from various different countries, but also the settlement of hopes, dreams, and cautious aspirations for a better future, a better life (Das, 2006, pp. 249). In the United States economy especially, it seems as though the sky's the limit– from filling gaps in engineering and medical industries to starting essential establishments like restaurant chains and laundromats, no corner of America has been too far for the reach of the famed ‘melting pot’ that has cultivated over generations of immigration. These establishments have contributed to the communities that have twisted roots into hard American soil, letting culture grow through concrete like the perseverance of natural life. There have been many examples of immigrant families demonstrating that “despite the pressure to conform to Americanized ethnic and racial categories, immigrant families and their children tend to avoid such labels and instead retain their original cultural identities” (Fuligni, 1998, pp. 101). Immigrant communities flourish best when they are free to let their home country’s culture show in all aspects, from language, food, decor, to the rich traditions that cannot be abandoned. 

Along with this phenomenon comes strong relationships as well, as all immigrants have something in common– a different place they call home in their heart, with unfamiliarity that has to be constantly battled to get to their current position, a discourse that continues everyday in the forms of racism and microaggressions. Here, there is a special compartment for immigrant women– throughout history, the marginalization of the female identity has long since led immigrant women to rely heavily on each other through everyday duties, to find comfort and entertainment in the monotonous happenings of life. Even now that women hold diverse roles in society, the shared bond of culture specifically in immigrant communities still holds them together. But with this almost sacred, unmatched bond, comes the harsh expectations and inescapable judgement– especially in familial ties. Within familial ties, the “simplistic stereotypes about submissive, subservient Asian American women and notions of Asian Americans as the model minority have worked to limit careful research on the process whereby gender systems come together to affect young Asian American experiences” (Hanson & Gilbert, 2012, pp. 328). Through the analysis of two pieces of media, ‘Saving Sourdi’ by May-Lee Chai and ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once’ which both demonstrate the themes of intergenerational trauma in female immigrant relationships, the inquiry of how generational trauma affects culturally rooted female bonds within immigrant families in America will be explored.  

Both ‘Saving Sourdi’ and ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once’ open with a striking representation of the dynamic between two sisters, and a mother and daughter. In both relationships, there is a disconnect between the women, as one always seeks to protect the other, but instead ends up harming the other because of lack of understanding. In ‘Saving Sourdi’, the first person narrative opens with Nea, Sourdi’s younger sister, stabbing a man that comes into their family restaurant and verbally harasses Sourdi out of panic. Instead of her mother defending Sourdi like she expected, she profusely apologizes and makes Nea apologize as well, insisting that their large table fee was now ‘on the house’. Nea suffers the consequences of her actions that were born out of fear for her sister by being told by her mother that “You not thinking. That's your problem. You always not think!” (Chai, 2004). Nea’s mother’s parenting style is not one that immigrant children are unfamiliar with, because “although parents from ethnic groups use the same techniques for socialization of their children as do Caucasian parents, that is, modeling, reinforcement, and identification, they often use these techniques to pass on the unique values and behaviors of their cultural group" (Julian, McKenry, & McKelvey, 1994, pp. 30). Her sister also shared that sentiment, but since their relationship is closer, the judgment stung Nia even more. Her sister’s reaction was muted but its magnitude was unmatched; “Sourdi’s face changed. I’d never seen my sister look like that. Not ever. Especially not at me. I was her favorite” (Chai, 2004). Similarly, in ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once’, the opening scene begins with Joy, Evelyn’s daughter, wanting to introduce her girlfriend Becky to her grandfather Gong Gong, but Evelyn interrupts and seeks to dismissively paint Becky as Joy’s good friend. The internalized shame that Evelyn holds transfers to Joy in this moment, and the tension between them is palpable– Evelyn aims to protect Joy from the judgment and hesitation that stems from Gong Gong, but instead ironically deeply hurts Joy in the process. Both of these narratives explore when protection does the opposite– helping instead of harming– when misunderstanding and miscommunication cloud the tie between two individuals. In the context of female immigrant relationships, cultural expectations is what muddles a bond when two family members have differing views on whether or not cultural expectations should be followed. 

These tensions come to a point of pressure in the climaxes of each narrative. Both characters that continue to harm their loved one accidentally, Evelyn and Nea, come to realizations that heal the disconnect in their relationships. In ‘Saving Sourdi’, Nea stages an intervention with Nea’s ex-boyfriend to confront Sourdi’s ‘abusive’ husband, but instead finds her defending her husband from Nea in an unexpected turn of events in Nea’s perspective. This unearths the immaturity and naivety that Nea holds in relation to what she believes is the ideal life for her sister. This ideal however, is shattered when she realizes that Sourdi does not share the same ideal. This climatic concept is also used in ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once’, where the tensions that Evelyn causes Joy cultivate into a physical representation in the form of an everything bagel that Joy’s alternate multiverse identity created to destroy all universes. On this bagel is all of Joy’s hopes, fears, doubts, and shame passed down from Evelyn. The climax entails Evelyn suddenly realizing that the only way to stop the end of the universe from Joy’s hands is to reach through the darkness with unconditional love and understanding. She, like Nea, has an important epiphany that breaks through the buildup of generational trauma that has been grown by harsh cultural expectations and toxic enforcement; respecting each others’ individuality is the purest forms of understanding, especially in environments where immigrant females are held to a specific standard that is impossible to attain– having that understanding in a female bond can cultivate a place of comfort instead of shame.  

‘Saving Sourdi’ and ‘Everything Everything All at Once’ have various similarities and differences that add to the nuance of generational trauma in female familial immigrant relationships. While both narratives are set within immigrant establishments, in one the mother is overprotective and in the other, the younger sister is overprotective. This illustrates that even though the two dynamics of these female relationships are very different, there is shame deeply rooted in cultural expectations that have to be broken by mutual understanding. These narratives both resonate deeply with the immigrant female experience, and how breaking through generational trauma in these bonds is an essential part of bonding at a deeper level. 

References

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Julian, T. W., McKenry, P. C., & McKelvey, M. W. (1994). Cultural variations in parenting: Perceptions of caucasian, african-american, hispanic, and asian-american parents. Family Relations, 43(1), 30-37. https://doi.org/10.2307/585139

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Chai, M.-L. (2004). Saving Sourdi. In Glamorous asians: Short stories & essays. University of Indianapolis Press.